I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
