There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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