i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
