I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
