I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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