Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
