But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
