He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
