do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
