If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
