Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
