im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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