So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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