Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
