It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
