He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
