I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
