So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Randomize
