mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
