I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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