i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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