but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
