Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
