My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
