if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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