i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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