Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
