We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fuck appropriateness.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
