I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
