Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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