I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
