My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
