the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
