Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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