If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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