he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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