She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
tell me about the eggs
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