She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
