That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
