i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
