wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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