Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
