I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Found the puke drawer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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