Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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