I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
