what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
