I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
