you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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