I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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