I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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