id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
