and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
