yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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